How often do we ask questions? All the time, right? Now - how often do you think about how you are asking a question? Probably not as often, right?
Lately, I've been thinking about this concept a lot. The thought stemmed from a conversation with a group of people. We were talking about the things going on in our lives. Some good things, but a lot of the conversation was focused on the negative things - hurts, struggles, and hard times. These were real issues that people were facing, but one question kept surfacing:
"Why, God?"
That small question - a simple, two word sentence - got me thinking deeply... Why wasn't I feeling the same way as the friends I was talking with?
I decided to keep my mouth shut because I didn't want to come across as "gloaty" or "better than"... because, frankly, my life has never been better. I am in the best shape of my life, my marriage is thriving, I have a great relationship with my family, I don't hate my job, I've found an amazing group of friends, and my relationship with the Lord is at one of the best points that it has ever been.
At first, I thought, "Maybe I just haven't experienced any struggles recently?"
But then I started to look back over the last few months. Months filled with wonderful memories, but also a fair amount of trials and tribulations. Lots of unexpected expenses, some family drama, working through some injuries that set me back in ways that I didn't expect, and just other things that could have easily piled up causing me to question, "Why God?!"
So, why hadn't I been asking that question lately?
A Shift in Perspective
Here's the thing - I have been asking, "Why, God?" - but my tone and intent have shifted.
Now, I ask: "Why, God? What are you trying to teach me in this moment?"
I'm not sure how the tone comes across in the writing, but in my head I can hear the difference clearly...
The difference in tone is subtle but significant. The first version of the question often comes from a place of frustration, even if it's not spoken angrily. It's reactive and, sometimes, accusatory.
But the second version? It's a question born from curiosity and faith. It's a question that opens the door for God to reveal something deeper to me.
It's Okay to Feel Frustrated
Now, please do not hear me say that you cannot get upset or frustrated with God. Obviously His plan is better than we could ever imagine, but He also realizes that we are stupid little humans who cannot possibly understand everything that He is doing.
He can and will handle your anger, your doubts, and your frustrations because He is a rock who we can take refuge in (Psalm 18:2), but He also WANTS to share His plan with you. You just need to be willing to calm yourself down and ask the question in a new way... "Why, God?"
Attitude is Everything
I've come to realize that attitude plays a huge role in how we approach questions—not just with God, but with everyone in our lives. The way we approach things is shaped by our attitude, and that directly impacts the tone of our conversations, our relationships, and even the way we talk to ourselves. That's why I like to remind myself that attitude is 90% of any battle.
I struggle with this a lot when it comes to certain people in my life. There's just something about them that gets under my skin, and no matter what, our conversations always feel pointless. But the truth is, that's on me. I walk into those conversations with a bad attitude, and it sets the tone from the start.
Looking back at the situations I mentioned earlier, it's clear that a lot of my issues could be solved by simply adjusting how I approach things — starting with my tone. This applies to the way I speak to God, my wife, my coworkers, and even myself.
That voice in my head? Yeah, it can sound pretty nasty sometimes. But here's the thing — I've realized I can change the way it sounds. Just like I can adjust the tone of my voice when I speak out loud, I can tweak the tone of that inner voice too. And let me tell you, doing that has made a huge difference in how I handle life.
The Practice of Adjusting Your Tone
Is this easy to do? No.
It took a while to figure out, and it took just as long to get to a place where I do more often than not. I'm definitely not perfect either. I still find myself in dark holes where I have a negative tone of voice, but it has become easier to realize and climb out by consciously taking stock of those feelings.
I hope my realization can save you some time when it comes to figuring this out for yourself. Try it out and let me know how it went. Reach out Instagram, X, or send me an email at phendoesstuff@gmail.com
I love y'all!
Have a great day, and remember:
"Why, God?" might just be the start of the answer you've been looking for.